So what about the All I want is to stay home and drink coffee Ugly Christmas sweatshirt In addition,I will do this other part of the question, the emotionless bit? Is it possible to have sex without emotion, like the truly legendary Samantha Jones does in the middle of broker and renowned hot bachelor Capote Duncan’s loft apartment? I don’t know if it is. I’ve tried, and I thought for a really long time that I was succeeding in fucking for fucking’s sake. I had sex with an endless array of men—at hookups, in bathhouses, in club backrooms, even with exes for whom I felt very little. But, after lots of reading and some good therapy, I started to understand that annexing your own wants and needs, that numbing out your emotion, in order to tell the story of the sex you’re having, or chase an external validation, might feel like nothing in the moment. But over time it leaves you feeling detached, and somewhat disconnected from your own sense of what makes you desirable, and what brings you pleasure. I had said yes too many times, unable to sense when my body felt like saying no. I had said yes too many times, confusing good sex with good stories that would impress my peers.
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So I would argue, after fifteen years of field research, that Good Sex without emotion is not possible. This isn’t to say the All I want is to stay home and drink coffee Ugly Christmas sweatshirt In addition,I will do this emotions all have to be good themselves. Yes, love, care, soothing touch, intimacy, connection, can feel good, and can feel healthy, when associated with sex. But even complicated emotions are important to access during sex, whether it’s delving the depths of your own shame, whether it’s about making you feel really really hot, whether it’s about gaining pleasure in a completely selfish way mutually agreed upon, even silently, with the person whom you’re fucking that day. Good sex should have some sort of feeling. Good sex should not not be numb.And what strikes me when we talk about sex today, in a world with such an emphasis on self-pleasure and self-care, is that we are often talking about whether we are having sex, who we are having sex with, how many times a week our coupled up friends are doing it. But we aren’t often talking about how to have good sex with another person. At best we’ll say: Was it hot? But we won’t talk about how really good sex takes work: emotional work, intellectual work, physical work.